This is my start to exploring the unification of experience throughout humanity.
Today, I detached my self from education and chose to dedicate my time to writing. Writing and planning for future projects. It is quite ironic because I write as if I talk to an audience, but in reality it is just me, in this garage writing under a lamp filled with moths and mosquitoes. Did I mention I am wearing a short sleeved shirt and am letting my fingers freeze slowly.
Wait I’ll be back…
Okay, I just got me some gloves, but if I honestly have to say something, I have no idea where I am typing because my fingers are extremely large! Alright enough of the procrastination, this is meant to be a diary entry. So it all started on the 16th April 2016. My older sibling recently purchased some really cool stuff for my mothers birthday. I was genuinely excited. She also bought this card, a nice one that opens up and has a smaller folded piece of paper in the middle. My sibling obviously wrote in the middle of the folded piece of paper as that was where it naturally is meant to be shown. I wrote on the last, unexposed to attention.
Look, I don’t like to play games and expect people to read mind, so, I kind of just left it when it came to my mother opening it. I wrote a fair bit, personal and really appreciative on why I like her as my mother. So when it came to the day of her birthday, it was all good. She read the card, but inevitably only the first half. I know I said I don’t expect people to read thoughts but in that moment, but I thought will she turn the page at least a little bit just to expect ‘more’? Without hesitation, she got up and hugged my older sibling. Jealousy doesn’t fill me, but the expectations she has for me. I know I might be a bit harsh and all. But that is what I felt. Later that night, I decided to tell her that I did write something in the letter, as she was internet surfing on her phone. So like me, I tried to find it and couldn’t find it as of that moment. So I said I couldn’t find it, but the look of disinterest on her face was trench-worthy (is that a word?) So I just said, “maybe next time”. From then, I have kind of decided to measure my conversation between people. I tend to ramble a lot about me so I decided an alternative good for me and everyone else. I just hated the fact that sometimes I genuinely feel appreciative, but others perceptions are not reciprocated. Now, it is time where I don’t create expectations of how people should act towards me. I will be quiet, humble even if good will lurks in the shadows. So far, so good.
Let’s see how the days going forwards turns out.