I haven’t been here for about four days and that has been because I have been finishing up at school. Making sure to complete all my tests and attending valedictory, farewell assembly, all of those stuff. It’s been a very busy week, which I know has led me to not prioritise this blog. But, I apologise. I’m back, and am ready to tell you about the power of conscience. One thing I like to keep in my blogs is the ability for my content to be relatable. I don’t want to ramble on about my everyday life. It seems a bit obnoxious for me.
In later posts, I had said I wanted to not do my exams, that it compromises everything, such as my health, and time. I came clear with this argument, developing a really powerful argument to not only the people around me like my parents and teachers, but also myself. I feel like that’s were people tend to muck up a lot when it comes to decision making. We become dishonest with ourselves. We fool ourselves to think one way of living to the point we actually believe it. That’s what I did. But going back to school, there was an itch urging in me, saying, ‘why don’t you just give your exams a try?’ I’d like to think that was just a coincidental suggestion, but it was a feeling in my gut. A feeling that made me feel bad, as if I was cheating my way out of life. Yes, maybe i’ll never be going to university in the time that my exams will be worth it, but what happened to trying. Even if I flop, i’d still be living right.
Here, was when, I knew that I was taking the easy way out of life. I didn’t want to face my biggest fear which was failure. Failure that I would never fit my expectations that I set myself up to, or that I’ll be the dumbest looking person in others eyes. I probably would. But, that’s not the point. I know who I am, I know what I am capable of. Why should other peoples perception of me affect the way I really am. That seems to be another one of my problems now that I think about it. How I care way too much about the way see me. Just because people may have the image that they are defeated, doesn’t mean that they are. Doesn’t mean that they don’t know themselves or that they don’t have a sense of character. It means that they have fallen, and can choose to stand back up or stay where they are.
I need to stop being afraid of failure, and what people think of me. No, I am not going to do computer science or engineering, or become a cool doctor. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know myself or my capability. I am just deciding to invest it somewhere. Somewhere I know a lot of people don’t follow. Somewhere, where at first people will tell me that I have set myself up for failure.
But, I haven’t.
– Locke Dor