Long hours and blasting thoughts.

Hello everyone. Today wasn’t really extraordinary at all. I ran some errands today with my family, then came home and relaxed. After that, I prepared to go to work. In the time spent throughout the day and during work, I had a fair amount of thoughts. I thought about an old friend from school who I have been keeping in touch with, and about love and all its complications. My thoughts are however really jumbled up right now, and I can’t seem to reach the heart of really want to say.

I’m fairly happy I guess…I have been writing a lot more, and have been pushing myself to at least write on this blog everyday. I have been doing writing exercises too which has been very good. I have thought a lot about my future and where it lies specifically. Whenever I think about that, I however get very anxious because I have dreams and sometimes I feel as if they aren’t authentic or they are false. Right now they feel real, but what if a human knows how to trick itself? I go through this complex daily, continuing to question whether my decisions are mature or immature decisions.

I put those thoughts off though, trying not to let the weight of it all impose on my everyday life too much. I have made up in my mind what I want to study, but some part of me doesn’t feel that drive in it. I haven’t fully developed the love for it. I say to myself however that future me will understand and that this is a bargain that I don’t understand now, but will eventually come to thank myself later. Some part of me questions though, what if I won’t like it, what if future me will resent me and hate that I didn’t pursuit my dreams? But then I search deep within myself and look at my career choice and say, there’s not much to lose. It’s a humanitarian based career pathway that will liberate the soul, it should make life more meaningful. I’m doing it again. These are just the constant thoughts that combat each other in my mind, and to be  honest, it never stops.

I want to leave all that, now that it has started. Ugh. Otherwise, yeah my day has been really good. I’m glad that after I finished work, I dedicated time to this. It’s a step closer to being a better me.

I hope you had a good day reader, that your struggles were bearable and that you see the greatness in every new day going forth.

Thanks for listening to my pointless thoughts.

 

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